


Inside the song that tenderly comes and rests on my ear, you are there.

by youngtaekied



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Arranged Marriage, F/M, Falling In Love, Growing Up Together, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kid!Bomin, M/M, Modern Royalty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:35:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23160688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngtaekied/pseuds/youngtaekied
Summary: Everytime Joochan looks at Sungyoon, he feels like he’s about to lose him.-There’s an understanding that lingers under Joochan’s skin that bothers him.  It’s a promise that settles into his bones without prior notice.  It’s knowledge that Joochan has held in his heart before he even started looking with Sungyoon with stars in his eyes and hope in his chest.  A truth that separates the two of them.  Something that stops Joochan in his tracks every single time he feels like going up to Sungyoon and telling him the words that have been clinging onto his throat, his vocal chords, for such a long time.  Joochan knows that he can’t do this.  He can’t say what he feels.  It can’t be said, can’t be revealed.
Relationships: Choi Sungyoon | Y/Hong Joochan, Choi Sungyoon | Y/Unnamed Character
Comments: 12
Kudos: 42





	Inside the song that tenderly comes and rests on my ear, you are there.

**Author's Note:**

> please consider listening to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FS_WGNOufbg) while reading. title from time spent walking through memories by nell.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Every time Joochan looks at Sungyoon, he feels like he’s about to lose him.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

There’s an understanding that lingers under Joochan’s skin that bothers him. It’s a promise that settles into his bones without prior notice. It’s knowledge that Joochan has held in his heart before he even started looking with Sungyoon with stars in his eyes and hope in his chest. A truth that separates the two of them. Something that stops Joochan in his tracks every single time he feels like going up to Sungyoon and telling him the words that have been clinging onto his throat, his vocal chords, for such a long time. Joochan knows that he can’t do this. He can’t say what he feels. It can’t be said, can’t be revealed.

He loves Sungyoon. He’s loved him from the moment they stood on stage together and sang their hearts out to the tune of the piano behind them both. Loved him the moment that Sungyoon smiled at him, teeth poking out adorably as he offered him a water bottle after their performances together. Longed for him every night when he goes home and lies in a cold bed with only the light of the moon above him.

Sungyoon always said that the moon was a comforting presence for him because even when the moon could not be seen, it was still hanging in the sky steadfastly until the night fell again. Joochan takes comfort in the moon, the moon that is the witness for all the nights that Joochan has twisted and turned in bed thinking about Sungyoon. However, he also hopes that he can one day be a moon for Sungyoon. An unchanging presence in his life that could comfort him on lonely days.

However, he cannot tell Sungyoon how he feels. He cannot burden the Crown Prince with something like this. Not when everyone in the country knows that Crown Prince Choi Sungyoon was betrothed to another royal in a far off land. Not when their marriage was going to happen sooner or later. He can’t do that. He can’t risk losing Sungyoon.

Even if he was just fated to be Sungyoon’s singing partner for the rest of his life, never meant to be more, he wants this place in Sungyoon’s life. He wants to be there singing for Sungyoon.

-

They first meet because Joochan likes music, and Sungyoon likes music too. Sungyoon was a prince, so of course he was given the best vocal teacher the country had to offer. That person was Teacher Lee.

On the other hand, Joochan was sent to Teacher Lee at a young age because of his singing talent growing up. Apparently Teacher Lee had heard Joochan singing in a playground and was so inspired by him, that he offered lessons to Joochan for free. Joochan had big dreams, he wanted to be a singer, wanted to sing his own songs to crowds of people, big or small. He wanted his thoughts and feelings to be transmitted to all who listened to him. So he was determined to do his best at singing.

Despite being from vastly different backgrounds, both of them were recognized as amazing singers by Teacher Lee and by the royal family. Teacher Lee thought it would be a good idea for Sungyoon to have someone to mentor in order to improve himself, so with the royal family’s permission, Joochan was brought with Teacher Lee into the castle grounds to train with Sungyoon.

Teacher Lee knew that Sungyoon was a nurturing person, someone who past the icy exterior, was warm and kind on the inside. To cultivate that part of his personality to improve the feelings he had when he sang, Teacher Lee devised the plan of bringing Joochan into his life.

He was right, Joochan and Sungyoon got along very well from the first day, singing together happily. The little Joochan had someone to look up to, someone to sing with, someone other than Teacher Lee to share his passion of music with, and in turn Sungyoon started to thrive as well.

-

It was on Joochan’s 16th birthday and Sungyoon’s 20th birthday when they first sang together. It was both of their birthdays and the castle had decorated the whole castle in preparation. Sungyoon thought that singing would be fun, and brought it up to his mother if he could sing with Joochan at the start of the party. The Queen thought it would be a wonderful idea and Joochan was given a room in the castle and personal schooling so that he would be available 24/7 to practice with Sungyoon on the days leading up to the party.

Joochan was nervous, however he also knew this was a rare opportunity to perform in front of a huge, important crowd. So, he launched himself into practicing for this birthday party.

Joochan also knows that no one except for Teacher Lee and Sungyoon knew it was his birthday, that on that day, the star of the show would be Sungyoon. He was alright with it though. He’s used to sharing his birthday with the Crown Prince of this nation, he’s just happy that he can spend the day doing the thing he loved the most.

Important people from far and wide were called to attend the party, and Joochan before the official performance was asked to fill in for one of the violinists that had suddenly called in sick. So, he found himself in the small quartet that was supposed to play as the sunset and the guests filed in. Ironically, instead of making him more nervous, being able to play some music as the beautiful summer sky dimmed was just the thing that he needed to calm his pounding heart down.

Soon though, Joochan is asked to go to the waiting room where Sungyoon is to change and prepare to take the stage with Sungyoon. 

When he enters the room, changed into a suit to complement but not overtake Sungyoon, the first thing that happens is Sungyoon wrapping his arms around him.

“Happy Birthday, Joochan.”

Joochan smiles and hugs his favourite hyung tight.

“Happy birthday, Prince Sungyoon.”   
  


Sungyoon’s bright laughter fills the room, as he thumps Joochan’s back playfully. “What did I say? When it’s just the two of us, it’s just Sungyoon.”

“Okay, Just Sungyoon.”

Sungyoon thumps his back again, gently though, before letting him go. He reaches over to the nearby desk, a small jewelry box in his hand.

Joochan’s eyebrows furrow, “I thought we promised that we wouldn’t get each other gifts for each other’s birthdays? You made me promise, hyung!”

Sungyoon smiles, eyes disappearing into crescents as he opens the box to reveal a simple silver chain, a small moon pendant on it. “I know, but I wanted to surprise you anyways.”

Joochan is wearing the chain as he walks out onto the stage with Sungyoon. He wears it as they sing together in front of the King and Queen of the nation and all their guests.

-

A few months after that, Teacher Lee passes on. Sungyoon and Joochan sing together for his funeral. It’s a quiet affair, just as Teacher Lee requested. He’s never been a flashy man, always preferring to lay low, especially as he got older. The only request he had was for Sungyoon and Joochan to sing for him as his coffin was lowered.

So, they sang.

  
  


-

It becomes tradition after that for them. The Queen always invites Joochan to sing with and for Sungyoon’s birthdays. It’s a win-win situation because Joochan gets to spend his birthday with his favourite hyung. Yes, it’s always fun with Jangjun because of his energy, and he also loves teasing Donghyun, but he likes spending his birthday with Sungyoon the most.

However, the Queen also likes to invite Joochan into the castle for anything. If there’s a special event, the Queen likes to call on Joochan to sing there. The royal family pays well, and Joochan likes to sing, so he goes whenever they call. Whenever he goes in, he gets to spend time with Sungyoon, and gets to talk to him about things that he couldn’t when he was younger. Gets to show Sungyoon all the songs he’s been composing while outside, talk about how Jangjun got his driver’s license or how Donghyun signed up for another dance competition.

Sungyoon is always attentive, always listening to Joochan just like he was when they were kids.

Joochan is 19, Sungyoon is 23. Joochan is 20 when he realizes that he’s more upset outside of the castle then he is inside. He is 20 years old when he stumbles upon the realization that he’s in love with Sungyoon.

When his 20th birthday comes and he’s in the castle again for their yearly birthday performance, Joochan sees Sungyoon in his suit and for the first time gives him a present. When they’re done singing, Joochan turns to Sungyoon on stage, guitar in hand, and sings him a song that he’s written just for him.

The Queen is pleased because she’s always loved Joochan’s music, the crowd is enamoured, but none of that matters. All that matters is that he’s looking at Sungyoon. He gets to see Sungyoon’s bunny teeth stick out as he smiles at his song.

He makes sure the lyrics don’t reveal what he feels, but he wonders when they get off stage and Sungyoon is whisked away to greet his guests, if he could see the love pouring out of Joochan’s eyes for him.

-

Joochan spends his time at university studying music, learning more in order to one day forge out into the world of music himself and make a name for himself. He’s set to graduate when he’s 22 and he’s excited for his 22nd birthday because by that time, if all goes well, he’ll be able to show Sungyoon his degree when he goes to the castle to sing for their usual birthday performance. 

When his graduation ceremony comes, he gets to take a bunch of pictures with everyone, his parents, his friends. However, what shocks him the most is when Sungyoon arrives, hat on his head and mask over his face to cover himself up. He arrives with a bouquet of yellow flowers in hand, eyes crinkled in those familiar crescents.

“Hyung? What are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t miss your graduation. I’m so proud of you, Joochan.”

No one knows except for Joochan that Sungyoon is there. That Sungyoon would risk so much just to visit Joochan on his special day. They take a picture together, posing in front of the music building of Joochan’s university. Joochan with his degree and Sungyoon’s flowers, Sungyoon smiling behind his mask.

-

Joochan thinks that 22 is going to be such a wonderful time. However, it is also on that birthday that he finds out that Sungyoon is going to be betrothed to be married.

He’s not stupid, he knows that this was going to happen at some point. Joochan was expecting this to happen. Sungyoon is 26 now, most royals in other countries are betrothed and married at much younger ages. Some are betrothed when they are still considered children occasionally. Actually, it is almost a miracle that it’s taken this long for Sungyoon to be promised to someone else. However, it still hurts. It still upsets Joochan. He’s been by Sungyoon’s side for so long, and has loved him since he was 20. Is still in love with him now.

After the announcement that Sungyoon is to be betrothed, Joochan catches him and drags him into their waiting room. Joochan studies Sungyoon’s expression. Joochan knows that Sungyoon isn’t happy about this, that he doesn’t really want this. However, Sungyoon also knows that this is for the sake of the country. No one else would be able to read the emotions on Sungyoon’s face other than Joochan. He’s masked them so well. It really is thanks to years of knowing Sungyoon that Joochan can even realize the subtle resignation behind Sungyoon’s eyes.

“Are you alright, hyung?” Joochan doesn’t know why he asks this question. He knows that Sungyoon can’t possibly answer it truthfully, no matter what his expression betrays to Joochan.

“... I will be alright. Do not worry.” It’s about as truthful as an answer that Sungyoon can give to Joochan, he knows that. Joochan knows that if it was anyone else that was asking, Sungyoon would smile and reassure them that everything was just fine. However, Sungyoon was saying that in the future he would be alright, that he wasn’t alright now. This answer that Joochan has received is probably the most truthful answer that anyone will get out of Sungyoon about this situation, and Joochan knows it.

Perhaps Joochan’s selfish, or he’s just losing it, or he’s realizing now that he’s about to lose the love of his life forever. But, he still reaches out and holds Sungyoon close.

Sungyoon reciprocates his tight hug, and Joochan closes his eyes and tries to pretend that everything was the same as it was before. That he was still 21 and Sungyoon was still 25 and Joochan still had no idea that Sungyoon was set to be someone else’s husband. That he still could fantasize about a distant future that Joochan had enough courage to tell Sungyoon that he loved him. That he could still pretend in the depths of his heart that maybe Sungyoon felt the same way as Joochan.

However, he knows that he cannot live in this make-believe world forever. Sungyoon needs to return to his own birthday party, and Joochan should make his way home because he knows that Jangjun and Donghyun are definitely staking out there to drag him to celebrate his own birthday. Until that moment comes though, Joochan holds onto Sungyoon. Joochan hums the song that he wrote for Sungyoon when he was 20 and first realized he loved the older man.

Sungyoon’s arms are warm and tight around Joochan as well and Joochan doesn’t let go until he absolutely has to.

He looks into Sungyoon’s eyes and he knows that he’s losing Sungyoon. Joochan has lost him.

-

Ironically it is right after Sungyoon is announced to be betrothed and married that Joochan thinks about actually confessing to him. Joochan knows it is not right though.

Thoughts filter through Joochan’s head wildly, and he can’t hide it from his friends. They know that the bright and talkative Joochan was missing, and in his place was a more pensive, a more withdrawn Joochan. However, they’re not sure why Joochan changed, why he isn’t laughing heartily at jokes that would once make him double over in laughter. In reality, Joochan isn’t really sure either.

Perhaps those love songs were right when they said that it feels like light is being sucked away when you are separated from the one you love.

Joochan then decides that he cannot stay the way he is. If he stays, he is tempted to call Sungyoon and tell him about what he feels for him. He will be tempted to destroy years of friendship and trust for this and Joochan rather would keep Sungyoon’s friendship than to leave his life altogether.

Joochan enlists in the army for his mandatory service.

For Sungyoon and Joochan’s birthday for the next two years, Joochan does not sing for Sungyoon. Sungyoon also does not sing for his birthday for the next two years.

-

The army is a good place to reflect. Joochan learns a lot, feels a lot, and is somehow inspired even more through his experiences. He leaves with notebooks filled with songs written, lyrics scribbled out, and an idea for his next steps.

Sungyoon invites Joochan to sing for their birthdays again. Joochan is turning 24, Sungyoon 28. Joochan is selling his older works to various companies, building up his reputation as a songwriter first. He keeps many songs for himself though, songs about his time in the army reflecting on how he feels about Sungyoon. Songs when he first fell in love with Sungyoon. Songs about his growing feelings for Sungyoon. Joochan keeps all of those precious songs with himself, but the rest he sells and gains royalties for.

Sungyoon is married. He’s going to be the next Emperor of the nation, going to ascend the throne someday. Sungyoon is well liked by the people because he advocates for the citizens, does a lot of charity work, works to change policies to be fair and just to the people. Sungyoon is hard working and everyone in the country is looking forward to Sungyoon being crowned one day, and knows that he will do a good job after his father. Sungyoon has no children, but there are whispers that Sungyoon will soon have a heir too, someone to take over after him as well.

Joochan debates with himself, wonders if he can keep it together if he goes back to the castle. He figures that he can, and he goes. Joochan is more worried about the fact that he and Sungyoon have changed too much. He’s worried that they won’t be able to get along again.

However, when Joochan enters the waiting room again, he is greeted with the waiting arms of his beloved hyung and everything feels like it hasn’t changed at all. Sungyoon is still the warm hearted person that Joochan fell for all those years ago. Sure, age has matured Sungyoon, but the core of his person is still exactly the same. Joochan is still the 20 year old in love with his Sungyoon hyung. Even after all these years, after meeting so many people in university and in the army. He still feels the same way towards Sungyoon.

When they finish singing, when Joochan leaves Sungyoon’s birthday party for his own, when his own celebration ends and he’s unlocking the door to his own apartment. When all of it is over and Joochan is alone with the moon, he cries. He clutches the silver pendant that he’s been wearing since the day that Sungyoon’s given him and sobs. Hot tears roll down Joochan’s cheeks, he’s hiccuping and shaking and he doesn’t stop until the moon is covered by the rising of the morning sun.

-

Sungyoon invites Joochan back to the castle more often, citing that they have two years worth of memories to catch up on. Joochan wants to put distance between them, but he can’t resist the opportunity to reconnect with a friend that he’s grown up with.

Joochan still laughs boisterously when he talks to Sungyoon. They talk like nothing’s changed, like Joochan didn’t just wordlessly leave for two years for the army. Like Sungyoon hasn’t been married for two years. Sungyoon still has the same bunny teeth when he smiles, and Joochan’s still addicted to trying to make Sungyoon smile to see those teeth poke out.

When they’re done talking about the past, Joochan shows Sungyoon the songs he’s been writing, the lyrics he’s been coming up with. Joochan’s starting to make a name for himself in the industry as a respected composer and lyricist, his songs have all been doing pretty good on the charts and he’s finally thinking of finally working towards releasing his own album.

“A company reached out and said they were interested in working with me for my own album…”

Sungyoon grins, “Congratulations, I know you’ve been wanting this since you were young.”

Joochan smiles back at him.

-

One of the ballads that Joochan writes for an idol group gets an all-kill on the charts, and with that solidly cements Hong Joochan as a golden songwriter in the music industry. More and more well-established artists want to work with Joochan and he’s now making more than enough to get by comfortably. Word gets out that Joochan wants to release his own album. People write online that they’re excited, that they have great expectations for what Joochan will release. The pressure builds, but Joochan used to pressure. After all, he’s been singing for and with literal royals since he was a child.

Joochan stares at the stored away songs that he’s never released or shown anyone. He looks at every single song that he’s written for in some way for Sungyoon and wonders if he can release it. 

He should. It’ll be a way for him to move on from Sungyoon, to move on from this period of his life and into a new one.

So he works to refine them. This album was purely his story, his feelings, and he wants them to be as close to perfect as possible. He wants the music to carry the thoughts swirling in his mind back then and right now away.

-

On Joochan’s 25th birthday and Sungyoon’s 29th birthday, Joochan tells Sungyoon about his album and slides a disc towards him.

“A present. I wanted you to be the first one to listen to the album. I’m releasing it next month if all goes well.”

Sungyoon smiles, “I’ll let you know what I think, but I think it’ll be amazing. What’s the album called?”

Joochan smiles, “Moon.”

-

Joochan hears from Sungyoon the day after their birthday in the most unexpected way. Joochan’s still in bed when he hears a sharp knock on his door, it’s still 6am and there really shouldn’t be anyone there. At least, Joochan isn’t expecting anyone. It takes all of Joochan’s effort, but he drags his feet towards the door and pulls it open.

Suddenly seeing who was on the other side of the door causes Joochan to jolt awake immediately. Standing there is Sungyoon. Joochan can recognize him with ease.

“Hyung? Come in… Why are you here so early?”

Sungyoon’s standing in the hallway of Joochan’s apartment, the disc is in his hand and Joochan’s head is spinning as he closes the door behind Sungyoon. Instead of feeling out of place, like Sungyoon the Crown Prince is out of place in his small apartment, Sungyoon looks like he belongs there and Joochan’s heart pounds incessantly in his chest because of that revelation. Because of that uncomfortable realization.

Seconds pass quietly, Joochan still staring at Sungyoon who’s just standing there. He hasn’t even removed his mask and hat yet.

“Joochan, please answer me truthfully.”

Joochan nods slowly, the whole world seems to be holding its breath as Sungyoon stands there.

“Is this album about me?”

“Yes.” There’s no use in hiding it. Every single song on that album was about Joochan’s love for Sungyoon. All the happy moments, all the laughter, all the shared smiles. All the longing, all the pain, all the tears, the see you agains and the goodbyes. Even to the last song, the simple song with Joochan and his piano singing about the rising sun and what it meant for the feelings in Joochan’s heart. Every piece in that album was somehow about Sungyoon.

Maybe, a part of Joochan wanted Sungyoon to realize it. To know that Joochan loved him so fiercely and irreversibly. To know that Joochan still loves him despite all the odds stacked up against him. To know that a part of Joochan’s heart belongs to Sungyoon and will always be there for him whenever he wants it. To know that Joochan’s been loyal to Sungyoon for so long. To know that Joochan will leave Sungyoon’s side in order to make sure Sungyoon would be able to live without the guilt.

A silence fills the air, and Joochan knows what it means. They’ve known each other for too many years now, words are unnecessary.

“I got an offer to go to Japan to write songs. I’m going to take it.”

Sungyoon just wordlessly nods.

-

Joochan doesn’t blame Sungyoon. He’s a prince, he’s the only prince of this country. Sungyoon can’t afford to be selfish and only think of himself. Sungyoon hates hurting other people, hates betrayal. And Joochan knows that Sungyoon would never be able to forgive himself for hurting anyone around him.

As he sits on the plane to Tokyo though, Joochan can’t help but store at the back of his mind that he never got an actual response from Sungyoon. His album was practically a confession, he didn’t get accepted, but he also never got a rejection. It’s a dim hope, a small voice at the back of his head that won’t go away no matter how hard he tries.

  
  


-

Joochan’s album does amazingly well. He gets love calls from many to help write for them, but also gets demands from others to continue releasing songs. Joochan can’t though, he can’t keep releasing songs under his own name. It was once his dream but now he thinks that he just wants to be held by Sungyoon again. That is something that releasing another album cannot bring him, so he shelves the idea of writing an album away and throws himself into writing for other people. He takes special care to be inspired by anything but Sungyoon in these songs.

It is after Joochan’s 26th birthday when he receives a birthday card from Sungyoon that he picks up his pen again and starts writing a song for himself to sing. He starts storing up songs for himself. The contents of the songs he writes about Sungyoon change though. The songs change to ones of subtle longing, and focus more on moving forward with life.

-

A part of Joochan doesn’t have enough courage to actually release a full album again. He sticks to infrequent single releases for a few years, and just one mini album when he turns 28. A celebration of being able to move forward with his life, even just a bit. A celebration of life and a dedication to the hyung he left behind. All the songs he releases do amazingly well on the charts, people all wondering if Hong Joochan will ever release another full album.

Joochan stays in Japan writing for many famous Japanese singers and collaborating with many other talented composers and artists. He talks to Jangjun often on the phone, and gets videos sent to him by Donghyun of the choreography he’s made for some dance crews and even idol groups. He stays there in Japan, even dates a few times, until his 30th birthday approaches.

It is when Joochan is about to turn 30, about to release a new full album about everything he’s learned and experienced from living in Japan that he gets another invitation to sing at Sungyoon’s 34th birthday party.

-

Joochan arrives at the castle, guitar on his back. He tunes his guitar in the privacy of the waiting room that he’s always used, waiting for Sungyoon’s arrival.

“Mister, who are you?”

Joochan looks over to the door, a little boy is standing there, unsteady on his feet. He looks about 4 years old, and Joochan smiles as he gets up, bowing slightly.

“My name is Joochan.”

The little boy brightens and waddles forward, Joochan puts his guitar aside and moves towards the little boy, hands outstretched to catch him if he falls.

“I’m Bomin! Prince Bomin! Dad mentioned that you’d be here for his birthday today! He said you two are good friends and that you’re good at playing all sorts of instruments!”

Joochan smiles warmly at the little prince and nods, “That’s me… Does your father or mother know that you’re here though?”

The little prince shakes his head, a bright smile still plastered on his face. Joochan sighs softly, a fond expression still taking over his face. Knowing Sungyoon, he was going to be worried to death about his son disappearing like this. 

“How about this, why don’t we go together to find your father and mother?”

Bomin takes a moment to think, the little gears in his head visibly turning before he nods, arms outstretched to be held. Joochan immediately scoops the boy into his arms and leaves the waiting room, immediately moving to where he thinks Sungyoon’s room might be. Even if his memory was fuzzy about the castle layout, he’s pretty sure that he’ll at least bump into one of the staff workers who could tell him where Sungyoon or his wife were. Bomin doesn’t seem scared or upset in Joochan’s arms, but he does seem sleepy, head bobbing every step Joochan takes. Joochan starts to hum the song he wrote for Sungyoon a decade ago, and it does the trick to lure Bomin to sleep.

He turns the corner and Joochan hears a voice in the distance.

“Bomin! Bomin, where did you go?”

Joochan smiles as Bomin is awakened by this, hands rubbing his eyes tiredly. Joochan knows that voice like the back of his hand by now as he goes towards it.

“We’re here!”

Sungyoon appears at the end of the hallway, a worried expression on his face that melts away as he sees that Joochan is holding his son in his arms.

“Dad!” Bomin exclaims, reaching out for his dad. Joochan hums softly, moving to meet Sungyoon and his group of attendants halfway. He puts Bomin in Sungyoon’s arms before moving to bow. Sungyoon stops him before he can even get halfway down.

“There’s no need for formalities between us. Joochan, it’s been a very long time.”

Joochan smiles, looks at Bomin who’s wrapped both arms around Sungyoon’s neck tight, and nods.

“It has been. Happy Birthday, Prince Sungyoon.”

“Happy Birthday, Joochan.”

-

Joochan is 30 years old when he released another full album that the nation falls for completely. The last song on the album is one he finished the night he returned from the castle

He writes about Bomin’s innocent smile, about the joy in Sungyoon’s eyes when he sang and how his little son was so glad to hear his father sing. The lyrics aren’t explicit enough to reference the situation completely, lest people start suspecting and making connections between Joochan and Sungyoon, but he knows that when Sungyoon hears the song, he’ll know it was for him and Bomin. He’ll know that Joochan loves Bomin too. He’ll know that despite all the years that have passed all after all of Joochan’s attempts to find someone new, that there will always be a spot in Joochan’s heart for Sungyoon. That no one could ever live up to Sungyoon in Joochan’s eyes.

-

It is when Joochan is 31, still writing songs and occasionally singing them live when the news comes. The old king has passed, the new king was here.

Sungyoon ascends the throne when he is 35 years old. Sungyoon is no longer Crown Prince Sungyoon, but Emperor Sungyoon. Bomin is no longer just a prince, but he becomes the Crown Prince. Sungyoon’s wife becomes the Queen.

Joochan releases a single after Sungyoon’s ascension and the mourning period is done for the old emperor. 

“Long live.”

-

Joochan holds his first concert at 31, it’s sold out immediately because of how rare it is for Joochan to release his own music, even rarer to even see Joochan perform live. Jangjun and Donghyun both come to the first day’s concert, clearing out time in their schedules for him. Joochan is thankful, happy that two of his closest friends are there for him. He sings a song for them that he wrote the day before, a song he releases a day after. It’s about lifelong friends and bonds that never break. It’s about Jangjun’s energy and Donghyun’s passion.

When the last day of the concert comes, he gets a message from Sungyoon. He’ll be in the crowd.

It’s news that shakes Joochan up a little, but makes him happy. His beloved hyung would be in the audience again, he would be there to watch Joochan reach another milestone in his life. So when he gets on stage, he sings his heart and soul out. He sings everything that is left within him for the crowd that holds Sungyoon himself in it.

“I have one last song for everyone tonight. It’s a song I’ve never released and have only properly sung once when I was 20. It’s a song that’s very close to my heart. Honestly, I think about this song a lot.” Joochan settles comfortably on his seat, guitar in hand as he strums it.

“I wrote it for someone that’s very special to me, and perhaps that person is important to all of you in the crowd as well. I wanted to perform it one last time.” Joochan hums, the crowd seems confused because of his statement.

He sings the song that he wrote for Sungyoon when he was 20 and madly in love with him. He lays his heart out on the stage for Sungyoon one last time, one more time until he finally wakes up from everything that’s happened. He hopes Sungyoon likes his song, he hopes that Sungyoon remembers and is thinking about all the beautiful times that they’ve shared together.

When he returns home that night, the moon illuminates the small apartment that Joochan’s been living and working in since he entered university. The pendant that Sungyoon gifted him still hangs around his neck. The song that he just sang rings through his ears on repeat.

Joochan lies in his bed and dreams of Sungyoon.

-

Joochan stills dates occasionally, but nothing really lasts.

Joochan still writes songs, but not as often which makes everyone more competitive and willing to shell out large amounts of money to get Joochan to write them a song.

Joochan doesn’t release the song he gifted Sungyoon back when he was 20, but also doesn’t write any new things for a new album. He does write songs to release twice every year, once on Jangjun’s birthday and once on Donghyun’s birthday. The songs always do well.

Joochan still goes to sing for Sungyoon’s birthday, but he never sings with Sungyoon anymore. Sungyoon stops going on stage to sing with Joochan, staying in the crowd to listen to Joochan instead. There’s a nagging thought in the back of Joochan’s mind that indicates that Sungyoon’s wife is the one who is stopping him from doing the one thing he loved. However, Bomin always looks happy to hear Joochan sing, and that is probably the only thing that is stopping the new Queen from barring Joochan from entering the castle again to sing. She’s never liked Joochan. Joochan can suspect why, but never confronts it. He doesn’t want to confront her.

Joochan is 34 when he does his last concert in Korea. It’s another sold out venue, four days of singing. Joochan enjoys every single moment of it. He considers perhaps writing his next album about the feeling he gets when he performs his music. When he sees people in the crowd enjoying the music he sings, he writes, he performs.

Joochan thinks about it. It’s just a thought though. Jangjun and Donghyun think it’s a good idea though.

Joochan goes back to Japan eventually to continue writing more music. He stops going to sing for Sungyoon’s birthday.

-

Joochan turns 35, 36, 37 in Japan. Sungyoon is now 41.

He comes back from Japan before his 38th birthday, a new album in hand and a concert planned to go along with it. The album was written through encouragement from Jangjun and Donghyun mostly. They were also the ones to convince Joochan to come back to Korea to celebrate his birthday with them. Jangjun and Donghyun insisted on it. Joochan listens to them, knows that he should go see his friends again. He can’t hide in Japan forever.

When he unlocks the door, he’s not expecting anyone to be in his old apartment. 

However Sungyoon is there, he’s standing in the kitchen, cooking something and Joochan thinks he’s about to cry. Joochan drops his bags, the door shuts behind him eventually. Joochan takes a few steps towards the kitchen, eyes wide. 

He blinks.

He’s awake in his bed, the moon is full outside his window and Joochan realizes it was just a dream.

He’s almost 40 and he still dreams of Sungyoon. He grasps onto the chain that still hangs around his neck and feels himself on the verge of tears. Joochan cries because even though time has erased all the initial pain and hurt that he felt when he found out Sungyoon was never going to be his, it still finds a way to haunt him because no matter where Joochan goes or does. The piece of his heart that he’s reserved for Sungyoon remains there and untouched. The part of him that loves Sungyoon remains unchanged.

-

Joochan celebrates his 38th birthday with Jangjun and Donghyun. They smile and laugh together like they did when they were in university. They drink and then hide out in Jangjun’s apartment until the morning.

When the morning comes, Joochan’s ordering hangover soup, Donghyun’s splashing water over his face, and Jangjun turns on the TV.

The day after Joochan turns 38 and Sungyoon turns 42, the Queen is thrown out of the country, Bomin’s mother is banished from the nation. There were reports that she had been cheating on the king, having affairs with multiple men behind Sungyoon’s back. In the olden days, they would have had her killed or imprisoned, but apparently because she is still Bomin’s mother, she is just banned from the castle and from entering the country ever again.

Sungyoon’s elderly mother apparently came out to the public eye after many years resting to condemn Bomin’s mother. Everything unfolds so quickly in the next few weeks and Joochan’s heart hurts for Sungyoon. Sungyoon was so kind, so gentle, so nice. He doesn’t deserve this. Doesn’t deserve this betrayal, the thing he hates the most. Joochan’s heart aches for Bomin and how confused and upset he must be about losing his mother, about realizing that his own mother was cheating on his father.

Joochan writes a lullaby, writes a song of comfort and of brighter days and releases it immediately once he has it recorded. Joochan sings once again for Sungyoon.

-

Joochan sits in the studio alone and wonders if Sungyoon is lonely. He wonders if he should reach out to Sungyoon again. The song he wrote and released was for Sungyoon, but he wonders if he should actually reach out and talk to Sungyoon again after so many years. Joochan doodles on his notebook, draws a scene between two lovers and a stage. Draws a guitar in the hand of one boy, a handsome suit on the other, draws a moon pendant on the boy with the guitar and then he suddenly drops his pen.

Joochan stuffs his notebook away, runs out the door of the studio and into a jewelry store.

Joochan orders a pendant and chain identical to the one that has been hanging around his neck since his 16th birthday, but he adds another pendant to the new one. He adds a heart pendant. 

The new necklace sits on Joochan’s desk for the rest of the year, daring Joochan to send it to the one who he wants to recieve it. The moon means a lot to Joochan, it was first just a sign for Sungyoon to prove to Joochan that he would remain consistent and a good friend to Joochan as he grew up. As Joochan grew older and entered adulthood, he discovered more about himself, the pendant’s meaning to Joochan was a reminder about the man he loved. The man who has always remained in the sky and always with Joochan even though he ran.

Joochan was always speaking through song, always hiding behind undirect lyrics, confusing riddles, unclear words. This heart though was clear, it was direct, it was a reveal of Joochan’s feelings for Sungyoon that he’s always just hoped Sungyoon understood without words. It was a declaration that even after all these years, that Joochan still loved Sungyoon.

-

On Sungyoon’s 43rd birthday, Joochan goes back to the castle and sings again. Sungyoon returns to the stage with Joochan. Bomin’s in the crowd sitting by his grandmother with a wide gummy smile on his little face. He looks absolutely pleased that his father was smiling again.

“You still sound beautiful, hyung.”

Sungyoon chuckles, “I’m rusty. You’ve gotten much better than me, Joochan.”

Joochan fiddles with his bag, it’s now or never.

“I have to go now, Jangjun and Donghyun are expecting me.”

It might have been Joochan’s own hopes getting too high, but it seems that Sungyoon’s eyes are sad after hearing that Joochan wasn’t going to stay to spend their birthday together.

“I see. Happy Birthday, Joochan. You’re always welcome to come to the castle whenever.”

Joochan pulls out a small gift bag, the necklace and a clean official version of the song Joochan wrote for Sungyoon when he was 20, the lyrics changed though. The lyrics are no longer generic and concealing Joochan’s real feelings, but direct and perhaps the true lyrics that were supposed to go with that song. The lyrics changed to finally show the 20 year old Joochan’s heart, and the now 39 year old Joochan’s unchanging feelings. He places it in Sungyoon’s hands before leaving.

“Happy Birthday, Sungyoon.”

-

Joochan turns on the news to see the royal family’s announcements for the day. He’s solidly 39 years old now, no longer young but his heart still skips a beat and tears well up in his eyes because Sungyoon is on screen.

Sungyoon is making his announcements for the day, reporters are around him listening and they’re asking questions that Joochan can’t bring himself to care about because around Sungyoon’s neck is the necklace that Joochan gave him that night.

The moon and the heart pendant sit on Sungyoon’s chest.

Joochan starts writing a song. He starts writing his next album that afternoon.

-

“What’s the album name going to be, Joochan?”

“Found again.”

“Why?”

“Because when I thought I lost that person, I found them once again.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first time i've posted on this account and the first time i've ever written about this pairing. thank you to nee for all your support, i wouldn't have posted it without your encouragement.


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